I started a fantastic series today at the parent support program I attend called the “Nobody’s Perfect Parenting Program.” My hope is to attain peace with my imperfections and to quieten the guilt I am so often riddled with.
Perfectionism has been something I have been struggling with. I was raised by a critical father resulting in a driveness to be “good enough.” I like to call myself a Triple A Type. I strive to achieve greatness and significance in the things I do. However, I have unrealistic ideas about how to live my life. I seem to think that for every great idea someone has in the world, I need to do it to. I feel the pressure to make my own soap, hang my laundry to dry, grow my own garden, churn my own butter, and whatever other million things you can think of.
Wow! Who told me to think that way? There is this vague “they” that is always telling me what I “should” do. But I don’t even know who “they” is and they are running my life!
My journey this last year has been focusing on embracing my imperfections and being at peace with just they way I am.
In June, I attending Tony Robbin’s Unleashing the Power Within Conference. It was intense! I walked on fire and conquered my “not good enough” limiting belief. One thing that stood out to me at the conference was the awareness that my journey isn’t about changing myself. Really? Hmmm…
Tony talked about how I’m not broken. I don’t need fixing. I’m not a circle becoming a square. In fact, I’m a square becoming a cube: a deeper version of who I already am. I found a lot of freedom in hearing this perspective.
Since then I’ve been seeking out a variety of resources to help me acquire this inner peace I desire. It creates a busy week!
- I started my second round of Steps to Freedom: a 25 week course modeled after the 12 Steps of AA, designed to heal hurts, habits and hangups.
- I regularly attend Celebrate Recovery once a week, which piggy backs with the Steps to Freedom program. Check out more about the program and if there’s a location near you.
- I joined the “Nobody’s Perfect Parenting Program” which is a 6 week series. Check out more about the program here.
- I attend Life Group every week with other young families in my church so I can build community
- I am making an effort to visit with other moms in order rub shoulders, shape each other and realize that I am not alone
- I’m working on reading 3 books on imperfection:
My schedule is full but I love it! I have something to look forward to, which brings me excitement. It’s also been quite profound to see how the things I’m doing actually compliment each other. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene talks about the 3 gifts being Courage, Compassion and Community. It dawned on me that Steps to Freedom and Celebrate Recovery encompass these three gifts, which explains why these programs are so effective. They are backed by research. It is in these places that I express the courage to be vulnerable, the compassion to love myself regardless, and the community to feel safe.
I believe that through my vulnerability, honesty and authenticity, other women will find the encouragement to embrace their own imperfections and know that they are not alone.
One final thing to share that comes to mind. Let’s go back to the quote I posted earlier, “Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure” – Steve Maraboli (whoa, side note: as I’m writing this I just realized that I had a version of this quote on my window sill for the last few years – “Allow yourself to be perfectly imperfect.” All the loose ends are now starting to come together). As I reread it, the part that struck out to me was that we are powerful beyond measure. I was then reminded of this quote that I came across in an unusual way.
I have come to realize that, more than anything, I’m afraid of being all that I can be. This is a fear that comes up a lot. I fear being healthy and awesome because what will my excuse be if I fall short, make a mistake, or do something imperfectly? What if I’m STILL not good enough? I’m afraid to shine because I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know what crutch I’ll use if I don’t measure up. But I suppose at that point, it won’t really matter what other people think anyway. I’ll be dancing to my own drum and flying so high in the clouds that I won’t even notice. Wouldn’t that be nice!
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