By Cris S.
February 13, 2024
DISCLOSURE: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS, MEANING I GET A COMMISSION IF YOU DECIDE TO MAKE A PURCHASE THROUGH MY LINKS, AT NO COST TO YOU.
Having a baby is one of the most precious things that will ever happen to us as women. For many of us, becoming a mother is one of the happiest moments of our entire lives. Along with this beautiful miracle, though, comes oh so many things that make us feel.. Less than sexy. And those first several weeks or months are so exhausting that usually the last thing on our minds is strengthening our relationship with our partner, because after all, newborns require you to be on-call 24/7.
At some point, however, it’s healthy to start actually thinking about yourself again. This includes your physical health, mental well being and your relationship with your partner (which naturally takes a seat on the back burner for a while after the new baby comes!)
I understand this because I have had 5 children of my own and after each baby, my husband and I had to put in the work to regain the closeness we had before our special delivery.
Yes, having a baby can definitely bring you and your partner closer in certain ways, but in other ways, it can cause some disconnect.
I know that between the breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and aching nether regions (whether from natural or c-section) it can be difficult to jump back in and reignite that flame that has probably all but burned out with your partner. I’m going to share with you the things you can do to rekindle your relationship, even if there is a new baby (or several other children) in the picture!
Write your partner a love letter. This may sound pretty corny, but you might be surprised at how you are able to connect with someone through writing. Think about good times you have had in the past together such as vacations or dates and describe your favorite part about each one. Tell them why you love them and thank them for their care and support during these tiring months. Plan some kind of an outing or some "together time" and tell them what you would like to do in the letter. A card works well too, just make sure to write in it a bit instead of just signing your name. Make it personal. If you are feeling feisty, you can add a couple more personal "references" in there as well.
Make your partner dinner at home. Even if this is something you normally do, see about having a relative or older sibling keep an eye on the younger kids or baby for a short while so you two can have dinner by yourselves. Find a brand new recipe you have never made before or make their absolute favorite dish. Light some candles and dim the lights for a truly romantic candlelight dinner. You can also make a special dessert to top it off! If you don't have anyone to watch the kids, you can still make this a special family dinner. Get some "fancy" cups from the dollar store and serve sparkling apple cider. This is a great opportunity to reconnect with loved ones and remind your partner and kids that they are just as important as ever before. Too tired to cook? Order food to be delivered: You can still light candles and make it romantic!
Make sure kids have a bedtime. Obviously with newborns it takes some work to get them on any kind of a schedule but if you have other kids, honor the bedtime! Even with a new baby you should still be maintaining the structure you had for your kids before the little one came around. Those evenings after the kids go to bed are the perfect time for you and your partner to connect and talk, or simply sit on the couch and watch TV while enjoying each other's company.
Ask your partner how they are doing and if they have any concerns that they might be worrying about. Also let them know how you are feeling and if there is anything additional you need help with. If you are co-sleeping due to nursing, make sure you still put the baby in his crib at least some of the time. You want them to learn to comfort themselves and fall asleep on their own at some point. You will thank yourself later when you are able to set the baby in his crib and he can peacefully fall asleep... Allowing you and your partner some much needed cuddle time.
When the doctor gives you the "okay" to start exercising again, exercise together. This can be at a gym or even at home. There are so many amazing at-home exercise programs available today, many of which focus on muscles that we need to re-strengthen after we have a baby. CONFESSION: I have never been a fan of exercising, but after each of my last couple babies I felt so achy and stiff in my legs, hips and abdomen. I just felt like a body of mush and I knew that I HAD to start SOME kind of exercise program! I certainly did not want to go the gym, so after a lot of research and talking to others, this is the program that I finally found to help me feel solid again. Much of the exercises are directed towards your hip flexors, which of course get a beating during pregnancy and child birth. Check out the link...
Exercising together not only gets you back into shape after pregnancy, but it's a great way to bond with your partner and get those endorphins flowing! Not into an actual exercise program? Put the baby in a stroller and go for a walk together. Make it a regular thing: Even if you can't make it work every day, set aside time every Friday evening or Saturday morning to spend this quality time together. It's a win-win for your relationship and your health!
Try a new hobby together. The possibilities here are endless. Not only can you discover new things to do together as a couple (or family), but trying new things is one of the best ways to boost overall happiness and the feeling of well being. Even if you can't get alone time with your partner, there are many hobbies to try where you are able to bring the baby (and kids) along with you. Last summer my family and I decided to try fishing for the first time and we had a blast! Now that we know how to do it, my husband and I plan on going by ourselves in the spring for a fun day trip. Some other ideas that you can do out of the house or at home via digital instruction: Dancing, drawing/painting, learning a musical instrument, archery or woodworking. Who knows, you and your partner may discover something you both love that you can both do long after the kids grow up! Who says kids are the only ones who can try new sports or hobbies?
Go on a good old-fashioned date. Dinner and a movie? Bowling? Arcade? Concert? Fun times like these can feel like a thing of the past those first few months after having a new baby, but they don't have to be for long. Even when I was nursing I would plan it out so that I would nurse right before we left and just go somewhere close to home. Those couple hours away would do wonders for my husband and I, and we took comfort knowing we were only 10 minutes away if my Mom called with any issues. (Not that she ever had any issues... She did raise 4 kids herself). There's nothing like a little outing with your partner to make you feel more like a human again, plus it's the perfect reason to get yourself dressed up and feeling your best.
Having a new baby is an amazing miracle and it never feels any less special, no matter how many babies you have! While those first several weeks and months are focused entirely on baby, make sure at some point you start paying attention to yourself.
In order to be the best Mommy you can possibly be, you have to take care of your needs too! Only then can you start working on strengthening your relationship with your partner, and you can continue to do this no matter how old your kids get!
Happy Mommy, Happy Baby, Happy Family!