By Cris S.
January 1, 2024
Kids can be hard. Teenagers can be REALLY hard. Especially when you have multiple teenagers with different personalities under the same roof. I remember when my sisters and I were teenagers and how often we would get into fighting matches with our parents. It was rarely productive... Just a mix of hormones and frustrations with venomous barbs flying out of our mouths. Fast forward to myself as a parent with 5 kids, two of those being teen girls and one preteen girl. Surprisingly enough though, up to this point in our lives, there is very rarely any yelling or screaming matches among us. Most of our interactions are more positive than that. (Keyword: MOST)
I credit most of this to my style of communication. Don't get me wrong.. I am in no way a perfect communicator all the time. I have my moments where I've just had ENOUGH and I lose my you-know-what. Luckily those moments are few and far between. Even in a home where yelling and disagreeing are a regular thing (like it was when I was growing up) you can still work on having a positive relationship with your teen. After all, this is the time in their lives where they need your love, guidance and support more than ever.
Communication is key to almost everything in all types of relationships. With teenagers, one of the most important things is that they feel listened to. They need to know that you care about what they are going through. (Even if deep down, you really don't care that the boy they like didn't text them back immediately after seeing her text) It may not be important to you, but to them, it could be their whole world in that moment. Sit down and truly LISTEN to them. Let them talk about school, their day, and their friendships. Honestly, these conversations can get very boring at times, but try to stay engaged by keeping good eye contact, responding to their inquiries and leaving your phone out of the conversation. The art of communication is getting lost in today's society, and much of it is due to electronics. Sometimes with teenagers, it's enough to just let them talk.
Some teens aren't really talkers. If you have one of those teens who has no interest in swapping life stories with their mothers, then at least let them know that they can talk to you when they want to. Try a mother/teen journal. These are actually a lot of fun! There are sections for the Mom and sections for the teens/kids. It's a fun way to get the back and forth conversation going without having to sit face-to-face. It can be a great tool to open up that introverted teen!
Also, NEVER stop the hugs and NEVER stop the "I love yous!" No, you are NEVER too old to hug your parents or say "I love you".. I never allowed my children to stop hugging me. I don't care how old you are or who is around. If Momma wants a hug, she is getting one!! I explain this to my kids when they reach middle school. "When I hug you, you hug me back. Period. End of story. No ifs, ands or buts!"
If you can pull it off, try to plan a once a month lunch or dinner date with your teenager. Boy and girl teens alike will rarely want to miss out on the opportunity to eat out (especially if it's on someone else's tab) This can be something you both look forward to and a way to reconnect during your busy lives.
Being a parent to teens is like a roller coaster ride. The more positive you can keep the relationship the happier everyone will be! (Despite the occasional freak-outs)